(Very) Temporarily Employed.

Yeah I’m pretty bad at this, I know. What can I say, my life is dreadfully uneventful.

Today I went to a staffing agency about a temp job. It will only last a week, but to be honest, if it was longer I think I probably wouldn’t have taken it. It has to do with jewelry distribution so there’s metal detectors and uniforms and ridiculous security, and the more I think about it, the more I suspect it will grate on me, but I think I can handle it for five days. Hopefully if they find me another thing after that it will be something closer to what I’d like. And something that starts a little later because having to be at work at 7 in the morning sounds awful.

I have also been doing some freelance work for a company. They seemed to be happy with the first set of things I designed for them, and now I’ve got another thing to do, so if I can do well with that it could lead to a more regular part time job. So I guess yay for doing something I actually went to school for? Other than that there’s another guy who wants me to do illustration for him, and I was supposed to meet him yesterday but something came up and that has been postponed. He seemed pretty nice and he really liked my manga resume, so hopefully he’ll get back to me soon.

That’s about all I have to report on my life at the moment. Other than I put a couple of my screenprints in a convention art show last weekend. They did not sell. I’m starting to wonder if I should keep bothering with that, honestly. :\

Some feelings towards work

So yesterday there was a long conversation (sort of, mostly I just kind of stood there and listened, like I always do because I fail at conversation) that spanned quite a few topics with one of my coworkers. Included in the rambling were some reassurances that I work here for a reason and I’m adding to this company, which I haven’t really been feeling so far since so far I’ve done very little actual company work, and quite a bit of time killing because I just don’t know what else to do. But right now I’m working on some illustrations for slides for a speech the boss is giving in Japan this week. This is probably something that should be done already, but it took a while for him to communicate just what he wanted, and I don’t think he started working on the speech until he was actualy on the plane last week. So yay for rush jobs, I guess. I’m told this is pretty normal. Anyway, my coworker was so kind as to remind me that my work will be international marketing materials and that people from big name electronics companies will see them. Which is kind of intimidating, to say the least. This is really bizarre, honestly. I was so sure I was going to end up doing something that had nothing to do with my degree, but here I am trying to be a professional illustrator, and eventually an actual mangaka? Even if it is going to be training materials, what the hell, man. I still don’t feel all that confident in my abilities (and please go look at the work of some of the amazing illustrators out there just on deviantArt and stuff before you try to tell me how great I am just because I’m probably related to you—there really is no comparison at all, and I think the only people who are really impressed with me are those who don’t usually spend time looking at the REALLY great art) but maybe this will give me an opportunity and motivation to work more on my skills and improve them, even though I know I’ll never reach the levels I’d like to.

Anyway. I don’t want to be doing this forever, because I do have something else I want to do with my life someday that I don’t think I’ve talked about here yet, but until I can build up what I need for that, I guess this is a pretty good place to be at. Maybe as soon as I get some finished projects done I’ll feel more like I’m accomplishing something here and less like I’m just an overpaid receptionist and they’ll start wondering why they hired me any day now.

So yeah, that’s how it is at work. As it turns out, having a paycheck is really pretty nice. I’ve already ended up buying some things that aren’t strictly necessary, have plans for some more, and I think I’m getting over a lot of my guilt of spending money ever really quickly. Not all of it though, and I’m guessing a lot will come back when I actually start sending money to those student loans, ugh. Maybe it’s a good thing I only get paid every other week, that makes the “holy crap I have some money let’s go spend some” rush happen less often. It also kind of makes it feel better because the paycheck’s twice as big, too. Just the wait is a little agonizing even if I don’t really have an immediate need for the money, and am well used to not having any at all. I am putting a bit into savings as I go, too, so that should be nice to have.

First workish report

Now that I’ve been at this for almost two weeks I guess I should write about how it is so far. And the answer is, it’s exhausting. The actual work isn’t exhausting, but the hours and commute are. Even when I have to get up ridiculously early (at 6) in order to sit in a car for an hour to get to work on time, I just can’t bring myself to go to bed at what most would call a reasonable hour. I am an incurable night owl, probably. I thought I might have time to go and see what’s around this area, maybe sometimes go over to the Chinatown strip mall for lunch, but in order to be able to leave at 5 I have to cut my lunch break down to half an hour, which isn’t really enough time to do anything at all. Sigh. I think I’d really like to move closer, (not out of the house, since it would be good for mom as well since her work is also near here) but of course that would require money, time, and energy. Mostly money, but the thought of packing up our messy house and relocating is also pretty exhausting. It would be a good excuse to trim some stuff down though, I suppose. We’re kind of packrats.

Anyway, as for the actual work…well there isn’t any yet. I haven’t been given much direction, and when I tried to take initiative and design some logos I was pretty much shot down because apparently they’re thinking they need to change the name of the company, and the name it has was accidental in the first place. I don’t even know, but it was very off-putting. It’s really frustrating to me to be expected to create some branding, but not have anything to work with. I’m really terrible at abstract logos, and I don’t want to have to do one just to have something there since the name might change. I’ve kind of put together some website designs too, but they’re also pretty generic because again, no direction. I don’t even really talk to anyone here, because everyone else is in offices, and I’m sitting at the front desk, and I’m still socially awkward and boring. I feel like they just kind of forget about me and go on with whatever real work they’re doing.

So basically I’ve been spending almost all my time here at work studying Japanese. I don’t really feel bad about it, since they have said they do want me to be able to practice it, and it sure feels a lot more productive than sitting around unsure of what I should be doing. Time definitely goes faster if I have that to do, too. I’ve started a blog on the subject also on wordpress, and there’s a link to it on the sidebar of this one as well. It went really well at first, but I’ve been kind of slowing down because I never did learn any effective study habits, and a couple of the sites I’d like to use to study won’t work in IE, which is what I’m stuck with, ugh. But I hope to someday be able to have some solid practical knowledge of Japanese, that I will use to…uh, probably watch anime and read manga, since the cost and hassle of travel have dampened my hopes of ever actually visiting.  But yeah, I guess we’ll see.

Anyway, yeah, work. Right now I’m basically an overpaid receptionist. The phone doesn’t even ring very often, like maaaaybe five times on a busy day. But if the plans they’re talking about go on, eventually I will be an underpaid illustrator, so I guess it evens out.  I’m not really sure when/how I get my first paycheck, but I know I’m going to be entirely too tempted to go off and spend some of it on things I shouldn’t, because I’ve been holding myself back for a really really long time. I already have a dvd and a book or three in mind, haha. Maybe if I just go ahead with it, I’ll get it out of my system and be able to start saving up.

So I’m not sure how this happened.

Yeah, I really suck at this thing. I’m a terrible But um. I guess that this would be a good time to report that I seem to have gotten a job finally. Like, a real one. It’s in Richardson, so I have to drive like an hour to get there, but I’m getting $15 an hour to be the designer/illustrator/front desk person/whatever else for a consulting company. So, basically an actual full-time permanent job, with impending benefits and everything. I don’t even know.

I’m really kind of terrified, honestly. I never thought I’d be able to get anything more than maybe a part time retail thing, and I was almost certain I wouldn’t end up with a job that had anything to do with my major. I definitely didn’t think I’d ever get to actually use my minor as well, but apparently the company does a lot of business with Japanese clients, and there are three people there who speak Japanese, two of which who are native Japanese. So I’m encouraged to work on my Japanese and practice it at work. Of course, that would require me to remember enough of it to be able to use it at all, and my conversation skills have always been absolutely terrible.

Some of the things I should be doing for the company include possibly designing a new logo and webpage, keeping up with the stuff on the webpage so it’s always current, and drawing manga for training materials and such. Strangely enough, the part I’m most worried about is the front desk stuff. I’m terrible with phones. It seriously takes me like ten minutes to work up the courage to call people. I can’t even call people I know without feeling awkward about it. (This is why I never call, by the way.) As far as I know I’ll mostly be answering the phone and redirecting people, possibly sometimes in Japanese, so maybe if I have a script it won’t be so bad. But I’ll also have to keep track of things, maybe make travel arrangements, and I don’t even know what else.

So yeah, I guess I should be excited about this, but I’m pretty much overwhelmed and intimidated and terrified instead. I start work tomorrow, so I guess we’ll see if I choke and shut down due to overwhelming anxiety. :D Maybe I won’t fail at keeping up with this thing and letting people know how it’s going.

You got a what?

So, yeah, I’ve been totally falling behind with the whole blog thing. Again. It’s just so hard to come up with anything to say when nothing ever happens, and when stuff does happen I tend to forget about it. But I guess I should probably put up an update or two here.

I’m finally almost done with school. I just have two assignments to finish up this week, and then I don’t have to deal with it any more. To be perfectly honest, I hated every minute of this class. Maybe it was mostly the fact that it was my third time going over the most boring parts of art history, but I’m pretty sure there was a good deal of despising the assignments. I am of the firm opinion that a history class should never require you to make up history in an assignment. There were several times I was asked to find real artifacts and then make up stories involving them. And don’t even get me started on the highly cumbersome Google Maps research project. I could rant about that for a while.

In other news, I seem to have somehow acquired a job. It’s only part time contract work, so I’m not technically an employee. I do have to drive to Irving three days a week though. Basically I’m working on creating images in Illustrator for use in Flash animations from someone else’s artwork. It’s a really relaxed environment, so I can pretty much wear whatever I want to work and not worry too much about being super professional, which is really a huge plus for me, since I fail miserably at being professional. That doesn’t stop me from being intimidated since I’m not really sure how this whole “real job” thing works yet, and I continue to be socially awkward, but I guess I might have a little money eventually? Not that I will feel like I can use it at all, what with all those ridiculous debts I’ll never be able to pay off, but it’s something…I just hope I have a chance to save it at all and not have to use every paycheck up on bills and such as soon as I get it. This does basically make me the only employed person living in this house at the moment, which is really kind of messed up. But whatever, I’m just a little amazed I’m doing something that actually has something to do with what I went to school for and not some crappy holiday retail stuff. Which I uh…kept failing to actually apply for, though I really meant to. But it all works out! I might continue to look for more freelance work on the side as well. What I’m doing now might be good for the resumé, but it doesn’t look like it’ll do anything for my portfolio, at least not for a while. Also, more money would be great.

Anyway. That’s about it. We’ll see if I have anything else to post about any time soon, though I kind of doubt it. For now, I will get back to sitting here trying not to freeze while I think about being productive. (SPOILER: I’m not going to do anything productive tonight!)

I’m working! Sort of?

So yeah, I’m pretty bad at keeping up with this thing…but the fact is my life is terribly boring, so there’s not much to update a blog with usually. And when something happens I inevitably forget it exists. So, sorry about that.

Let’s see…a week or so ago I had an interview at a design group in Southlake. I am fairly certain I did really badly at it, as I do at all interviews. I never feel as though I really know what I’m talking about, and I’m pretty sure it shows. I’m hesitant, and end up saying things I possibly shouldn’t, and afterwards everything I think I should have said comes at me in a rush, and I beat myself up over acting like an idiot. Long story short, a week later I got the “Yeah we hired someone else” e-mail, and that was that. Honestly, it probably wasn’t a good match for me. The company mostly did packaging, which is definitely not one of my strong points.

This week, however, I met with someone who found an ad I put up on craigslist and wanted me to do illustrations for the children’s book she’s writing. She really liked my portfolio, and now I’m working on sketches for character designs for her. I’m probably not charging as much as I should be for this, because I just started with no idea what I’m doing and little confidence that anyone would be willing to pay even that much, but I don’t think I can really back out now after telling her, especially with my complete lack of assertiveness and pushover tendencies, but I guess I can count it as a grand opening special or something. Though I’m not sure I’m confident I’ll find another opportunity where I can remedy my pricing easily. But I guess I’ll worry about that when I’m not busy with this project.

So I guess now is the point where I flail around trying to figure out how to run this business. I need to draw up a contract, which I’ll probably just pretty much steal from someone else, since I don’t get all that legalese or really understand why it’s necessary, though I do know it is. We’ll see how it goes.

In other news, I’ve got another con to go to in about a month. I keep forgetting about it. For some reason it doesn’t feel real that it’s there. I almost don’t want to deal with it, but I already signed up and paid for it at the last one with my tablemate, so I’m pretty much stuck. Oh well, I really do need to get out of the house, but I’m a little afraid I won’t be able to break even, especially if I have to get a hotel room. I tried to do the driving back and forth every day thing once and gave up after the first day. I considered finding a park and ride somewhere so I don’t have to deal with parking in Dallas, but I’m afraid I’d have to leave a lot earlier than I’d want to…I don’t know, I haven’t really looked it up…and that’s not really something I want to deal with alone. But anyway, hopefully I’ll be able to put together some new merchandise in time, because I don’t think leftovers are going to cut it. I kind of wish I had somebody to invite over who also had things to work on so we could keep eachother motivated or something…but that’s too bad. I, as usual, am on my own. But yeah…we’ll see how that goes.

For now, it’s back to work finishing up my samples so I can e-mail them to my client.